Pinoy Joke: Siopao

September 17, 2011

SIOPAO

Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, ‘yung babae.

Waitress: Babaeng siopao?

Kulas: Oo. ‘Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.

Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.

Kulas: Lalaki?

Waitress: May itlog po sa loob.

Pinoy Joke: Pinoy Contractor Abroad

September 14, 2011

PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD

Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence.

One from the Philippines , another from Mexico and an American.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. Well,”
he says. “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Filipino contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “What? You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid??

“Easy,” the Pinoy explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico “.

The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.

Pinoy Joke: Pinoy Salesman in USA

September 11, 2011

PINOY SALESMAN IN AMERICA

The Boss asks: ‘Do you have any sales experience?’

The Pinoy says: ‘Sir, I was a salesman back home in Manila.’

Well, the boss liked the Pinoy chappie so he gave him the job. ‘You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.’

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ‘How many sales did you make today?’

Pinoy boy says: ‘Sir, Just ONE sale.’

The boss says: ‘Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. If you want to keep this job, you’d better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?’

Pinoy boy says: ‘ $101 237. 64′

Boss says: ‘$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?’

Pinoy boy says:’Sir, First I sell him small fishhook.
Then I sell him medium fishhook.
Then I sell him large fishhook.
Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I ask him where he’s going fishing and he said down on the coast, so I told him he’ll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sell him twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sell him that 4X4 Blazer.

I then ask him where he’ll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sell him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper Camper Tents.

Then the guy said, while we’re at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss said: ‘You’re not serious? A guy came in hereto buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?’

Pinoy boy says: ‘No Sir, actually he came in to buy Tylenol for his headache and I said:

‘Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind!’

Pinoy Joke: Ano Ang Kaibigan para sa inyo?

September 8, 2011

 

Teacher : CLASS! ANO ANG KAIBIGAN PARA SA INYO?

Jenny:  kasama in good & bad times.

Joan: Sabihan ng secrets po.

Jose: pwedeng mautangan kung wala kang pera.

Teacher:  tama kayong lahat.oh!   Juan ,  Ano ang kaibigan para sayo?

Juan : KAiBiGAN ??   hmmmp…

Juan:  Yan po yung pinaka nakaka-insultong tinawag sakin ng babaeng nililigawan at minamahal ko!

 

Pinoy Joke: Cheesy Pinoy Quotes

November 17, 2010

Cheesy Pinoy Quotes. If you have any of your own, feel free to post them here.

***

1. Uy papicture tayo!

… Para ma-develop tayo!

***

2. Ibibili kita ng salbabida.

… Kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko.

***

3. Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle noh?

… Kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad.

***

4. Hindi tayo tao.. Hindi tayo hayop.

… BAGAY tayo. BAGAY talaga tayo.

***

5. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, Hindi kita mashusoot?

… Kasi, lagi kita mamimiss.

***

6. Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar?

… Single kasi ako eh.

***

7. Excuse me.. Are you a dictionary?

… Because you give meaning to my life.

***

8. Ako ay isang exam.

… Kaya sagutin mo na ako.

***

9. Centrum ka ba?

… Kasi you make my life complete!

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10. I’m a bee.

… Can you be my honey?

***

11. Me butas ba puso mo?

… Kasi mukhang nahulog na yata ako!

***

Alin ang favorite mo dito sa mga Cheesy Pinoy Quotes na ito? Ako I like #9, #10 and #11… Sobrang Cheesy talaga!

Pinoy Joke: Good News ni Warden sa Kulungan

October 30, 2010

Sa Isang pagkakataon, nasiyahan ang Warden dahil sa mgandang ipinakita ng mga Preso sa kulungan.

Sabi ng Warden: Dahil walang gulo sa araw na ito dito sa loob ng pihitan, lahat kayo magkakaroon ng “BAGONG BRIEF”.

Reaksyon ng mga Preso: Yeeehay!! ang bait ninyo naman Warden. Salamat.

Wika ni Warden:
Okay! kayong nasa Selda Uno at Selda Dos, EXCHANGE BRIEFS.

Joke: Ang Bulag

October 29, 2008

Isang bulag ang pumasok sa isang maliit na restaurant. Sinalubong siya ng waiter at wala sa isip na nagbigay ng menu. Hindi mo ba napansing bulag ako? Bigyan mo na lang ako ng mga gamit na tinidor at nang malaman ko kung ano ang kakainin ko! Bulyaw ng bulag.

Hindi na nagtanong ang nalilitong waiter at kumuha ng dalawang tinidor na hindi pa hugas at binigay sa bulag.

Inamoy ng bulag ang una. Fried chicken! Hindi ako kumakain ng friend chicken, sabi ng bulag pagkaamoy ng unang tinidor at inamoy naman ang ikalawang tinidor. Eto, meatloaf, bigyan mo ako niyan.

Namangha ang waiter at dumiretso ito sa kusina para kausapin ang cook na si Maria. Ang galling noong bulag, oh, amoy pa lang alam na niya ang oorderin niya, magluto ka nga ng meatloaf, kuwento ng waiter kay Maria.

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